Dave the Laugh
by Not Your Exception
Summary: This story is... um... entertaining? Well, whatever, but it was fun to write, and therefore most likely fun to read. But I wouldn't know. So yeah, read on! And then, when you're done reading, review! Because you love me.
1. The Mystery of Boys

**Chapter One: The Mystery of Boys**

**_Ha ha! I have no idea why I decided to write a Fan Fic on Georgia Nicolson, but I guess I just couldn't help myself… I also want to do one on the Pirates of the Caribbean, so that should be coming soon as well._**

_**I know this story is kind of lame, but I just wanted to try my hand at the tricky art of tragic-teenager style diaries. I'm fourteen myself, but I'm no where near as dramatic as Gee Gee… am I? Hmmm…**_

_**Your confused buddy,**_

_**Stephanie Ridings **_

****

**Friday, 1st August**

In my room

_6:00 pm_

My life has once again crossed into that dreaded Realm of Poo.

Despite the fact that I (meaning me, Georgia Nicolson) has gotten to number six on the snogging scale with Masimo (meaning Him, the most gorgey Sex God in the universe… actually, he's the only Sex God in the universe, but you get my gist and nub).

My well-respected Pantsmaster and Horn Master, seems to have crossed the line into total bonkerosity. It is about time, really. I don't know why I didn't see it coming.

All the Foxwood lads came to watch the _MacUseless_ rehearsals again today. Ellen had a ditherspaz of the worst sort when Dave the Laugh walked in. She looked like somebody had stuck a hot poker up her bum-oley, which, coincidentally, somebody should do. She is sooo uncool about Dave the L.. She practically _stalks_ him.

Jas says that I stalked Robbie, the ex-Sex God, or Guitar Plucker, as I must now call him. I disagree, of course. I would never go to that extreme. You simply cannot listen to old Mrs Jassy Knickers. She is full of lies.

Anyway, where was I, before I so rudely interrupted myself? Ummm… oh, I remember!

I wanted to tell Dave the L. about my snogging extravaganza with the Italian Stallion, but Ellen was constantly flicking her hair at him, so that I could hardly get near enough to say 'hi'.

The Pantsmaster had not dropped his act since the last _MacUseless_ rehearsal and I thought I was going to split at the seams from laughing so much. (I don't actually have any seams, but if I did, I probably would have split at them).

RoRo was asking Miss Wilson about the ancient times when she used to go out with the Swan of Avon. Miss Wilson was getting all red and embarrassed, insisting that she didn't date old Billy Shakespeare. But we know better. You can totally tell, by the way she talks about him so much.

Then Dave came over and asked why she never dated him. "Was he too busy or something?" he asked. "The Devil makes work for idle PANTS."

Oh, how I laughed.

Miss Wilson made us stop eventually, when I said, "Macduff was from his mother's PANTS untimely ripped."

The Ace Gang were getting our stuff from the cloak room when Mabs told me that she had seen Rachel, and she looked really upset from the whole break up with Dave thing. I don't blame him for dumping her; she was SO annoying.

But I don't care. I love everybody! Nothing can stop my happinosity now that Masimo and I have got to number six! I am in Happy Valley! Lalalalalalala… anyway.

I saw Dave and Ellen standing at the gate and watched him give her a little kiss on the cheek. Her face went so red it looked like a bloody lighthouse. I felt a bit funny when I saw him kiss her. I don't know why. Dave the Laugh can go out with whomever he likes, I am happily satisfied with a Sex God as my plaything.

Today, it was just Jas and I walking home, because Rosie had gone into the woods with Sven for some 'quality time', and Mabs and Jools were off shopping.

Dave came and walked with us as we passed him. I said to him, "Pantsmaster, can I tell you about Masimo?"

He didn't seem to keen. Neither did Jas, for that matter, but she had a reason; Hunky was coming home in two hours, which didn't leave much time to do make-up. In fact, she got so frustrated at Dave and me that she ran off home, leaving me to talk to my Horn Master alone.

Dave looked after her wistfully, saying "It's nice, really, isn't it, to be that simple?"

I looked at him. What in the name of Elton John's codpiece was he on about?

"What?" I said. "You would like to be as stupid as Jas?"

"No, I mean Jas and Tom. They just like each other and that's it, no sign of the Cosmic Horn or red-bottomosity."

I could tell that Dave the Laugh was having an unlaugh moment, which was not good, because I wanted to talk about he Italian Stallion, and my snogging adventures. "Dave," I said. "I was going to ask you about Mas –"

But he didn't seem to be listening. In fact, he stopped walking suddenly and turned, so he was standing in front of me. I nearly knocked into him, nunga-nugnas first. He grabbed my elbows to steady me. "What if you were really meant to be with someone? But you kept messing about and having the Horn and so on and you lost them?"

Oh God, he had gone all girly on me. What's the point of a boy if they're going to be girls, I ask you? No point, that's what. He was looking at me in a funny way, and there was something strange in his face that I couldn't really put my finger on. Something not Dave the Laugh-ish, if you know what I mean.

But I didn't want to talk about _his_ love-life, I wanted to tell him about mine.

"Look, I'm sure that if you went back to Rachel she would forgive you, she is remarkably stup… er… stupendously nice."

Dave looked down at me and smiled in a sort of sad way. "You just don't get it, do you?" he said.

"Oh, you mean Ellen. She would have you back tomorrow; she has no pridenosity." It was kind of strange talking to him while standing this close. I could feel his breath on my face, and it was making my bottom flush slightly. Down, bottom, down.

"You great kittykat loonie. I am talking about you and me."

I stared at him for a second, doing my impressive imitation of a goldfish. I must say, I'm getting quite skilled at it these days.

"Don't be daft," I managed to say.

He looked at me without saying anything for a second. My red-bottom was getting difficult to control. Dave had a very nice-looking mouth. Sort of firm but soft at the same time. I could feel myself puckering-up. Good grief this was sad. I couldn't control my own lips!

Then, quite suddenly, Dave ducked his head and pressed his lips to mine. And we snogged, right there, in the middle of the street! _Anybody_ could have seen us. But for some (possibly non-existent) reason, I didn't give a flying pigs bum who saw. I guess I must have lost my mind in the puckerosity of the moment.

We got up to number five with a hint of six when he pulled back, breathing slightly heavier. He still looked kind of sad, but I didn't know what to say to him. So I didn't say anything at all. I just stood there, mouth slightly ajar, staring at him. It wasn't very helpful, I guess, because he looked at me for a second before turning around and walking off.

Lads, what can you do? They're bonkers, the lot of them.

So now I am vair, vair confused, and also, puzzled. What was he talking about? Him and me? Losing the person meant for you? What fresh hell?

**_Finally! A long chapter! I never thought that I'd actually be able to do that but what do you know? I did! Whooo hooo!_**

_**There should be more coming to this story, and PLEASE review. I beg you! But don't flame, because I will laugh. I love to laugh. Really, I laugh at practically everything. It's true.**_

_**Your laughing pal,**_

_**Stephanie Ridings.**_


	2. Nip Libbling

**Chapter Two: Nip Libbling**

_**Heggo, peoples! I have yet another chappie for ya! It was 2,232 words or something, so you should be proud of me. If you're not proud of me, then you can... yeah, well, whatever.**_

_**You get the point. Be proud of me, and review to show it. Please?**_

_**Your hard-working, frantically-typing pal,**_

_**Stephanie Ridings.**_

**Saturday 2nd August**

In my room 

_9:00 am_

I was up at the crack of dawn like a startled earwig when Vati started banging on my door. I am indeed _le genius_, for I had dragged my chest of drawers in front of the door. This was so that I could get some peaceful beauty sleep without Libby's cold botty creeping into my bed with Charlie Horse, Scuba Diving Barbie, Our Lord Sandra and whatever slimy vegetable that she had picked up recently.

The anti-Libby and co. plan seemed to have worked, but el Beardo did not seem to notice my geniosity, and continued his attempts to lay siege on my door.

"Open your bloody door!" he shouted.

That's some way to wake your amazing and beautiful daughter, isn't it? I told him so as I climbed out of bed and dragged my drawers out of the way.

Vati fell through my door, and almost landed heavily on his gigantic schnozzle, which he so rudely passed onto me, but he stopped himself by grabbing onto my doorframe. Bugger.

I put my hands on my hips and looked him in the most impatient way I could muster, considering my gigantic shapeless jimmy-jams. I have learnt the hard way that it is vair vair difficult to be mad at anybody when you look like a prat yourself.

But Vati seemed not to notice my look, or if he did, he ignored it completely and said, "There's somebody at the door for you. Why does he have to come so bloody early in the morning?"

"Um… I have no idea," I said, curious myself as to who it was. I ducked passed him and trotted down the stairs.

When I got to the front door, I found Mutti talking to no other than Dave the Laugh! And I was wearing my poofy Telly Tuby jimmy-jams! Again! He smiled at me and I gave a little squealed and dashed back up to my room faster than Angus could down a mouldy sausage (i.e. very fast).

When I got there I glared at Vati for not telling me who was at the door (although I suppose he couldn't have known… but whatever) and pushed him out of my room so that I could change.

I grabbed a pair of jeans and a random shirt that had not been sabotaged by Angus, Libby or Cross-Eyed Gordy, brushed my hair, did the basic make-up ritual essential for any venture outside my room (mascara, lippy, eyeliner, blusher) and dashed back downstairs.

Mutti had gone off somewhere, but Dave was leaning against my door, looking vair vair groovy in black jeans and a black shirt that said in really big white letters, "Who are you, and WHY are you reading my shirt?"

I tried not to laugh by keeping my lips firmly shut, like I read in a book by Melissa Trent. It didn't work, though. My face sort of stretched out, and then I snorted. Stupid Melissa. What does she know? And because of her, I had snorted in front of Dave the Laugh.

Dave was smiling at me. I liked his smile. It made me think of nip libbling. I could feel my red bottomosity beginning to rear its ugly head and began to panic slightly.

Dave didn't notice, though. He just said, "Shall we walk?" and held out his arm to me. Really, he held his arm out to me! I had no idea what to do. I just stared at his arm for a little while, and closed the door behind me. I heard Vati's voice shout something to do with 'Libby' and 'poo', but I had no idea what. I was to busy staring at Dave's arm.

Eventually, he dropped his arm and grabbed my hand, pulling me off the doormat and down the front path. We walked in silence for a while, but then Dave dropped my hand suddenly, which made me notice that he'd actually been holding it. I hadn't even noticed; it seemed perfectly normal to me.

Then he said, "Don't worry about what I said the other day, I know how weird you can get about stuff like that."

I looked up at him. He seemed to by back to being Dave the Laugh again, which was good. I didn't get to say anything before he started talking again.

"It was just after this whole thing with Rachel, and I was just… reaching out. Do you get what I mean?"

I blinked. I've not been very conversational lately. I think the snogging extravaganza with Masimo must have put me into shock or something.

Dave smiled again. "So we can just forget about all that, okay?" I nodded.

"So does that mean that I can tell you about Masimo?" I asked. We had reached the park now, and were just walking around it, weaving through the few huge trees and bushes that the park owners had decided to keep so that happy snoggers could hide behind.

"Of course, Sex Kitty," he said.

I told him everything. From when Masimo had put his hand on my back to guide me through the door of the restaurant, to the amazing number six on the snogging scale after dinner and the extraordinary nip libbling.

When I was finished, he looked at me and grinned, his naughty, Dave the Laugh grin. "Even if he is a bit flash, and a groveller, and – did you say _nip-libbling_? What's that supposed to mean?"

I could feel my face going red. Ooops, I hadn't meant to say that. Ah well, too late now.

"Um… I – I meant lip nibbling," I mumbled. I looked away from him. This was too embarrassing.

"What?" he asked, grinning that annoyingly gorgeous grin. He had stopped walking and took a step toward me.

"Lip nibbling…" I muttered, looking at my shoes. They were quite nice shoes, actually. Mutti had bought them for me the other day, from that shoe shop around the corner from –

"Lip nibbling…" Dave said. He looked up at the branches of the tree we were standing under, stroking his chin thoughtfully; as if he had a beard, which he doesn't, thank Our Lord Sandra. "You know, I may have heard of this particular fatal symptom of… erm… yeah. The terrible Yeah Disease." He glanced down at me, stepping back a little, and moving his hands as if he were holding a clip-board and pen. He really is bonkers, you know.

"So, Miss Nicolson, as to this lip nibbling… when was the first time it was performed upon you?"

I looked up at him, crossing my arms. "You should know," I said. And he should, because the first time I had been nip-libbled was by him, way back when he was my red herring.

"Should I, Miss Nicolson?" He was giving me that naughty smile again. I could feel the frustrated snoggosity building in my chest. "How so?"

I rolled my eyes at him. What did he want me to do? Describe the kiss to him? He really was mental. I couldn't do that! "Doctor Laugh, tell me of this 'Yeah Disease'." Phew, subject changed with the skill that only I could muster. Quite an achievement, considering that I was almost dying trying not to laugh.

"The 'Yeah Disease' was founded on the second of August, 2006, by the handsome Doctor Laugh. And since that day, people the world over have been wary of its fatal symptoms and –"

Trying not to laugh was getting too hard. I snorted (for the second time) and then choked. This, needless to say, does not look good on anybody. Then I had a coughing fit. Thank you Lord Sandra. I am turning Buddhist as soon as I get home.

"Aye!" Dave shouted, stepping over to me and patting my back. "This is yet another sign of the Yeah disease! You are surely suffering from it."

"And how –" I really couldn't stop coughing now. It was starting to hurt. "- how can I fix it then?"

"Well," he said. "I find that a quick snog tends to do the trick…"

I stopped coughing then, and swallowed really loudly instead.

"Or just talking about snogging, it seems." Dave wrapped his arm around my shoulders and held his other fist to the sky, as if he had just scored a goal, or something. He really is bonkers.

"Yet another patient saved by the famous Doctor Laugh! All praises to me!" And then, he turned around and snogged me. Right there, in the park, under the tree.

He'd completely caught me by surprise. I gasped, because he'd stolen my breath (which I happen to like keeping, as it's crucial to my survival and all).

He slid his hands down to my waist and I wrapped mine around his neck. He really was a good snogger. And nip libbler.

When we came up for air, he said, "Phoar, brilliant snogging, Georgia."

I glared at him. Time to get revenge, I think. Revenge for all those times he snogged me without warning. For snogging me when I already have a boyfriend.

I smiled sweetly at him. "Not to bad yourself, Doctor Laugh," I said.

He smiled. "Of course I –"

And then I stood up and tip-toes, wrapped my arms around his neck, and snogged him. He was caught off guard, and sort of gasped between my lips. Serves him right, I thought. I am such a minx.

But he seemed to get over it really quickly, which was annoying, because he wrapped his arms around my waist and pushed me back up against the tree. I wanted to be in control.

So I nip libbled him. Ha! That'll teach him to mess with this red-bottomed minx. He moaned. That gave me the Horn slightly. He moaned again. Shutup moaning! My read bottom was rising rapidly (ha ha, that's a tongue twister. I dare myself to say it three times, really fast. Risingrapidly risingrapidly rising – er… anyway). This was not good. I had to keep control. I must not lose this vicious battle of… erm… tongues?

I pulled back and did sticky eyes on him. Oh, I am such a naughty minx. He was breathing hard (so was I, but that's not the point). I grinned up at him, remembering to keep my nose firmly tucked in.

"Serves you right for getting me against the tree," I said. "Now if you could just –"

He had both his arms on either side of me, trapping me against the tree. This was not good. He was going to get me back for what I'd done to him. He was looking at me in that looking-at-me way. Which I hate. But when Dave does it, it also gives me the Horn. Which is bad. I tried to duck under his arm, but he moved it, and caught my wrist as I was making my brave escape from red-bottomosity.

As soon as he touched my wrist, my whole arm sort of burned and I couldn't take the frustrated snog-build up anymore. I turned around and slammed him up against the tree, snogging him as if my life depended on it. Which it probably did. I felt as though my chest was going to explode with the pressure. It really can't be healthy. Especially for Dave. But if you think about it, it's all _his_ fault for teaching me in the ways of the Horn in the first place.

I pushed one leg between his, pressing my knee into the tree. I have no idea why I did that, it just sort of happened. Dave started that moaning thing again, which is not what you want. I wanted him to stop moaning so that I could get my revenge, and then go home. Was that too much to ask? Besides, I read that the girls are meant to do the moaning, not the lads. What am I talking about? Who cares? As long as I got my –

Dave was letting his hands 'drift' onto my bottom. It was flushing in response. Uh oh. Time to retreat!

I pulled back, sliding my lips along his bottom lip for a second (oh, I am such a naughty, naughty minx), before looking at him. There was that thing in his eyes that was there yesterday. Uh oh. This was getting dangerous. Definitely time to leave.

I stepped back from him, straitening my shirt.

"S'later," I said, pointing over my shoulder, in the rough direction of where I though my house could be. I think it was more to the left, but that is not the point. The point is that I was leaving.

Dave didn't say anything. He just got up off the tree and stared at me. Which is really annoying. You'd think he'd say "s'later" or something, wouldn't you? That's what Dave the Laugh always does. But he didn't. I wonder if that's a bad thing.

I think it served him right, that I should say "S'later," because nobody knows what it means, and it is very, very annoying. And lads tend to say it all the time.

Then I turned around really quickly and ran all the way home. Well, not _all_ the way home, but until I was out of sight. I'm not fit enough to go _all_ the way home. I learnt the hard way not to run too far, or you'll get a head like a beetroot. Which is not what you want.

When I got home, I went straight to my room.

**_Tut-tut, Georgia, you naughty minx. So, peoples, do you think Dave got what he deserved, or did I break his charactor? Tell me, I need to know. Of course, you all know how to tell me, don't you? You click on that little purple button on the bottom of the screen and REVIEW! Review, review, review! It makes me want to sing, it makes me want to smile. SO REVIEW, people!_**

_**From me,**_

_**Stephanie Ridings.**_


	3. The Minx Hunt Begins

**Chapter Three: The Minx Hunt Begins**

_**Hello my peoples! Sorry it took me so long to update! My school holidays started yesterday, so the updates should be more often. Fingers crossed. Anyways, back the dramatic life of Gee Gee…**_

_**Your lazy pal,**_

_**Stephanie Ridings.**_

Back in my room

_10:30 am_

Ha! I think Dave the Laugh will think twice before publicly snogging me _now_. Especially when I already have a boyfriend.

Hang on. I'm not actually going out with Masimo, am I? In fact, he's probably out there snogging Wet Lindsay in some dark alleyway at this very moment! Erlack! I've just given myself a horrible mental image. I'll probably be scarred for life, now. And it's all Dave the Laugh's fault. I don't know how it's his fault, but I'll think of something.

_10:40 am_

I just sat on my bed, and I landed on something rotten. I have no idea what.

_10:45 am_

It may have been a potato at some stage, but I can't really tell. It's got an orange fuzz all over it. This really is a madhouse. Why couldn't I have a normal family, with normal sisters and –

The phone is ringing.

"Mutti!" I shouted down the stairs. "The phone to your house is ringing!"

I heard her giggle. It's not right that a woman of her years should giggle. "Georgia, darling, could you get that for me?" More giggling. "I'm a little busy right now."

Oh God. I really, really don't want to know what with.

_10:50 am_

Stomping downstairs to pick up the phone, and answer a call that will probably be for Mutti, anyway.

I picked up the receiver.

"Hello. Georgia of Loon Central speaking."

"Ah, Sex Kitty, this is Doctor Laugh calling."

I blinked. Why was Dave call now? I had been with him half an hour ago. Maybe he couldn't get enough of me. Ha! Revenge is sweet.

"Kitty Kat?" He was sounding a little worried. "Why aren't you saying anything?"

But I didn't get to answer, before he blurted, rather suddenly, "Why did you do that to me?" He sounded un-Dave the Laugh-ish again. Good grief.

"It was revenge," I said reasonably. "And revenge is a platter best served cold."

He laughed a short, un-laughing laugh. "Georgia, that was far from cold. That was _hot_."

How dare he say that!

"But I still don't get why you did it. Revenge, you say? Revenge for what? Whatever it is, I should definitely do it more often."

That made me laugh; he is so full of himself.

"You wish, Dave," I said (even though, honestly, I wished, too). "It was revenge for snogging me without permission and tutoring me in the ways of the Horn."

"Ah, I see…" There was a moment of silence. "So, what would you say it was? Cosmic, General or, dare I say, Particular Horn?" I could tell that if he were standing next to me, he would be looking at me in that looking-at-me way, which I hate. But when Dave does it, as I mentioned previously, it makes my red-bottom swell.

"Ha! Dream on, Dave!" I said. "It was just excess-snog energy. I needed to release it, and you provided a suitable outlet by –"

"Excess snog-energy?" Dave asked incredulously. "But isn't that the Horn?"

"Erm… it depends on how you look at it." I was so glad that Mutti and Vatti weren't here, listening to me.

"And looking at it from my point of view, as the helpless victim?"

"Helpless victim? You? Oh, you've got to be joking! You had me pressed up against the tree!" Dave was so ignorant. And frustrating. But a good nip-libbler.

"Then you slammed me up against said tree, which I think makes us about square, yes?"

"No way! I haven't nearly finished my revenge. I still haven't gotten you back for the fish-party incident. Or the time when you were wearing that red nose and you said you loved me. Or the time when –"

"I get the point, Georgia. You just want to snog me some more. I understand. You can't get enough of me."

"No!" He was being outrageous! This was _my_ revenge!

"Then how are you going to get your revenge for the fish-party 'incident' as you so charmingly put it?"

"Well… I - I mean… I could just –"

"Yes? You could just what? You really ought to tell me, you know. Especially seeing as I'm the victim and all."

Maybe now would be a good time to just hang up? That's what I love about the telephone; you can end a conversation whenever you want to, and the other person is bound to get the hint.

But Dave says that boys don't take hints. He says that you have to be really obvious with them.

But what is really obvious? What did I want to say to him? Nothing. Ah well, I've always got my back-up plan.

"Can I eat your shirt?"

"_What?_" Ha ha! I bet _that_ wasn't what he was expecting. "I can't believe you're using your back-up plan now. I thought it'd have to be a much harder question."

Bugger. He'd caught me out. Maybe this was time for the hang-up.

"Don't hang up on me, Georgia. I know where you live. I'll hunt you down."

Again! What was I supposed to do with that? Maybe I should just answer the question? But I don't _have_ an answer.

"Then I guess you'll have to hunt me down then, Dave. Catch me if you can." And I hung up. He once told me that I'm supposed to play hard to get. I am going to turn everything he ever taught me against him. Let him suffer.

* * *

**Sunday, 3rd August**Hanging with the Ace Gang

_2:00 am_

The Ace Gang is back! Yessss! And we're wondering the streets, nobody can stop us now! Yeeha! (I honestly have no idea where that came from. I don't want to be a cowgirl when I grow up, or anything.)

We where all sitting around a table in this new coffee place, all six of us, me, Mabs, Jools, Ellen, Jas and RoRo. The guy who was serving us was kind of hot (not Sex God material, of course), and we were trying to get Mabs to hook up with him.

"Look! There he is! He's at the front counter now," said Jools. "If I weren't with Rollo, I'd probably –"

"Go up there, Mabs," Rosie was the first to come up with a plan. "And ask for some more sugar or something."

"No!" she said. "We've got plenty here already, he'll see!"

"I can fix that," I said. I grabbed all of the little sugar packet things (there were about eight) and tore off all of their tops at the same time, pouring the lot into my cup.

"I don't think that was a very good idea, Gee Gee," said Ellen.

"And why not?"

"It's not going to dissolve. When a liquid reaches its saturation point, it –"

"Shut up, Ellen." I grabbed my spoon and started stirring frantically. I pushed all the empty sugar bags over to Jas so that she could hide them away. She seems very sad. I've no idea why. I haven't asked yet. I hope it's got nothing to do with Hunky. He only came back last night; they couldn't be fighting _already_.

When she saw the sugar packets, she just stared at them. You can't have a staring contest with sugar packets. They don't even stare back. Surely young Po knows that.

_2:10 am_

It turns out Ellen was right. Coffee has a saturation point. I mean, who would have thought of that? Coffee is a drinking thing. You're supposed to drink it, not saturate it, or whatever. Who knows what Ellen does in her free time. Who _wants_ to know?

But I don't care, because I have huge lumps of sugar floating around at the bottom of my cup. As long as I remember not to drink it, I should be fine.

Ellen keeps giving me the I-told-you-so look, so I'm not talking to her now. I wonder if she found out about me snogging Dave when they were going out? Maybe that's why she's being so annoying.

_2:15 am_

Mabs has left upon operation 'get more sugar'. She's talking with Waiter Boy right now. She's gone all ditherspazzy, which is not a good look. She keeps sliding her foot around when she talks. It's really annoying. It's almost as bad as Jas's flicky fringe. But nothing is as bad as Jas's flicky fringe.

_2:17 am_

Mabs is still talking to the Waiter Boy. I wonder what their talking about?

_2:20 am_

Nothing interesting, I'd bet.

_2:25 am_

Good grief, he must really like her. I wonder if she has his number yet…

_2:26 am_

Ohmigodohmigodohmigod! Dave the Laugh just walked in! He's stalking me! He's hunting me down! Noooo!

With him was Tom, Rollo, Sven and another boy I'd never seen before. They were attacking us!

But this time, I was prepared. I was no longer wearing my telly tubby jim jams. Nope, this time I was all tarted up, complete with boy-entrancers and lippy. My defenses were up. Nobody could get to me now. Not even Dave the so-called Laugh. Let him try. Ha.

_2:27 am_

The lads walked over to us, Dave was looking extra groovy and Ellen went into ditherspaz mode, her hand fluttering madly about her mouth, as if it was a dying moth or something. Jas didn't even look up from her staring competition with the sugar packets.

When Dave got to us, he stood next to my chair, saying, "Hello, chicklettes, I see we meet again."

Jas looked up again, and when she saw Tom, she jumped out of her seat as if someone had electrocuted her (ouch) and threw her arms around Tom, and then snogged him. In public. With all us innocents watching. Some people are just so selfish. It looked like quite a violent snog, actually.

I tried to look away, but Dave was standing so close to me, I nearly stuck my head into his stomach. Which is not what you want. In fact, it was so not what I wanted, that I nearly fell out of my chair.

As I was straitening myself out again, Dave leant down and whispered in my ear, "Caught ya."

I glared up at him. "Not nearly, Dave," I whispered back. "You only just found me. I'm not yours yet."

"Ah, so I have to make you mine to do my part of the deal?" He was pretending to tie up the shoelace of his Convos. "I knew you wanted me."

"No!" I shouted. Everybody looked at me. Except for Rosie, who was sitting on Sven's lap.

"I know!" shouted Dave, standing up and waving his arms madly around. "And that's exactly what I said to him. I can't go around with a giant fish sticking out of my rucky! Imagine the questions people would ask!"

The Ace Gang went back to doing whatever it is they were doing. Dave was good at this cover-up business. Imagine if they'd heard what we were saying! Especially Ellen. Not that she seemed to care at the moment. She was chatting to that other lad that was with Dave the L..

Dave put his hand on my shoulder. "A word?" He jabbed his thumb over his shoulder at the front door. Imagine if somebody had been standing behind him. He could have poked them in the eye with a jab like that. "Please?"

Ah well, what was there to loose? I still needed revenge. I also happen to be vair vair mad about his 'so I have to make you mine' comment.

I stood up and stomped outside in what I hope was a very angry manner, despite my short skirt.

At the back of the coffee shop

In an alleyway 

With the dustbins

Erlack

_2:30 am_

Ha. This looks like a suitable spot for the loud yelling that I had planned for him. It was an alleyway, and a bit grubby looking at that, but if I have learnt everything from Buddha, it is that you cannot have everything in life.

I turned around and saw Dave coming around the corner.

"That is not what I meant!" I shouted at him.

"About what?" Dave was eyeing the dustbins warily.

"I never mentioned anything about anybody making anybody else theirs! Or anything about a deal. I didn't hear myself mention a deal. Did you hear me mention a deal? Because I don't think I mentioned a –"

"Hey, Sex Kitty. You're babbling." He was leaning against the wall next to me, one foot up against the wall next to his knee, his head turned to face me.

"I am not babbling!" I said, walking over to stand in front of him. I knew my face had probably gone red, but I didn't care. I was in a dark alleyway, for the sake of Our Lord Sandra. How dare Dave be so calm, leaning against the wall in that calm way. Oh, I hate him, I hate him, I hate him.

Dave didn't say anything, he just looked at me in that ironic looking-at-me way.

It really was quite dark in the alleyway, and if it weren't for the dying light bulb above Dave's head, I probably couldn't see anything. But there was a dying light bulb above Dave's head, so I could see something. And that meant that I could see Dave. And Dave was looking almost Sex Goddish under that dying light bulb. Which was bad, because I want to hate him.

"Yes you are," said Dave.

"Am not!" I shouted back.

"Are to." Why wasn't he shouting. I was shouting. In fact, he was grinning at me. His Dave the Laugh grin. How are you supposed to restrain from snogging _anybody _if they keep grinning at you like that?

"I am not!"

"No, your not anymore. But you were." He crossed his arms in front of his chest. He is so annoying!

"I was not." I stomped my foot to make a point, which turned out to be a very stupid thing to do, as I was wearing high heels. My heel snapped off. That really was the last straw. I couldn't take it anymore. I sat down right where I was standing, in the middle of the alleyway. Another stupid move, as there was something soggy on the ground in the place I sat down. I stood up again, wiping my skirt frantically. I forgot that my heel was broken and tripped, landing on my ankle. That's the second time I've hurt that ankle. The first was when Wet Lindsay hit me with her hockey stick. Ow ow ow and also ow.

Ow.

I started hopping around frantically, looking just like a frantically hopping thing that hops frantically in a frantically hopping bar (i.e. a prat). Eventually my back hit the wall opposite Dave and I stopped hopping frantically to rest, holding my ankle.

Dave cleared his throat, and I realized that, because of the way I was holding my leg, he could see right up my skirt! I dropped my leg like it was a smoldering potato (i.e. a bit like a hot potato, only hotter).

"How dare you look up my skirt!" I shouted. I was mad, now. Not at anybody in particular, just mad in general.

"I guess I'm just the daring type," he said. Grinning again.

Uh oh. My anger was turning into snog energy. I thought I'd gotten rid of it all yesterday! This was really bad. I had to get away.

I tugged the edge of my skirt down, which didn't actually do anything. "Maybe we should go back in now."

"Why?" he said. "Don't you like it out here?" He waved his arms around dramatically, that stupid grin still on his face. "I love the whole grubby, dank and smelly feel of it. How can you not appreciate its obvious state of disrepair?"

"Only if you stop grinning," I said desperately.

"Why? Don't you like my smile?" He was still grinning.

"That's not the point!"

The next thing I knew he was attached to my lips.

After a few seconds of violent nip-libbling, he pulled back, saying, "Then what don't you like?"

Now would be a good time for the hang-up technique. But there was no phone. Hmph.

**_Ha ha! Now we have her! What should happen next? Should somebody walk around the corner mid-snog? Who should it be? I don't know, but you do. So REVIEW my friends! It's the little purple button at the bottom of the screen!_**

_**Your review-dependant buddy,**_

_**Stephanie Ridings.**_


End file.
